Elias is a very creative young man, he was born to a family of artists, his father works in graphic design, and while his mother was too sickly to work, she took any free time and energy she had to draw and write. He and his brother as well took up art at a very young age. Elias himself has a passion for any form of visual art, and a love for writing and poetry, as a child he spent a majority of his days drawing and writing, and he has dreams of producing his own published pieces of fiction one day. He is rather smart despite being socially awkward, and he has a surprisingly deep understanding of people. Elias spent most of his life as a rather sensitive person, living for others, even at the cost of himself, feeling he was expected to always go above and beyond for others to be worthy of their company, kindness, and friendship, as if he were repenting for some unknown wrongdoing. While today he wishes to recover from all of his hardships, this has proven to be more difficult than he thought, and he knew it would be difficult, yet he never anticapated it would be this difficult, and it seems he doesn't know how or where to start.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do... I'm doing everything I can, I do what I can, I try to make time for my hobbies, I try to make sure I'm taking care of myself, I get in some exercise everyday, I try not to focus too much on the negatives, I try to have hope, I'm doing everything I can! Everything! So why is nothing getting better? I still get overwhelmed by all I need to do daily, and it feels like living itself is a chore... I wish I could just draw all day, never need to do anything else! I hate having a body and brain to take care of all the time, all it does is get in the way of hobbies and important work I need to do in order to achieve my dreams! How do people do it? How do they get up everyday, take care of themselves, get work done, and still have time for hobbies? I always get distracted half way through, or forget all together and then feel like a disgusting failure! It's been 2 days since I showered, I forgot to vacuum, I ended up eating lunch at 9pm again, why can't my brain just work! What makes it worse is how do I kick all these destructive habits, lying about my feelings, obsessing over people until I destroy the relationship, looking at gore and disturbing content until I feel numb, isolating myself, the only one I've had any progress in kicking is cutting. That's my only achievement, not cutting for 8 months. I haven't even made major progress in my creative endeavors. I'll die with nothing to my name and no one to grieve me after they learn just how inept and fucked up I am.